Thursday, April 14, 2011

Growing a New Layer

I debated all week on whether or not I was going to post a blog about this subject. Then I realized one reason why I wanted to continue the blog after Auggie was born was so people would understand what TCS is.. I know it is going to happen more times than I'll be able to count on my fingers and toes and hairs on my head but part of me thought we'd never have to deal with it....

Name calling.... Teasing.... Misunderstanding.... Non-Acceptance....

While we were in Cameron on Saturday, we originally wanted to eat at Texas Burger/Subway. The place was really slow and we had a lot of family so we decided to go down the street to Dairy Queen. Before we could leave for DQ, though, Tim heard a little boy repeating "monkey ears" and his mom was trying to get him to be quiet. I was in the restroom when Tim heard him so I don't know how the little boy said it. In my mind all I can see is that little boy pointing and saying "monkey ears" loudly so everyone could hear it. But I'm pretty sure that's not how it happened. By the time I left the restroom, the little boy was crying so I'm sure he got in trouble for saying it.

Tim didn't tell me he heard him until we were on our way home. I knew something was wrong but I just thought it was because he was tired. He wasn't going to tell me because he didn't want to ruin my day like it had his. I was upset the whole ride home and it probably would have leeched into the evening but we stopped by Billy & Julie's.

I'm pretty sure the event was compounded by Auggie wearing an outfit with monkeys on it. And I'm pretty sure I will never put Auggie in a monkey outfit again.

On a mom's forum, I asked for advice on how people would respond to a situation like this and I received very different answers... Tell them off rudely; Explain to them what TCS is and how everyone is different but we're all pretty much the same anyway; Yell and holler and walk away; Just walk away. One mom responded and said Tim & I should get together and talk about how we'd deal with situations like this.

And you know, we have. We talked about it a lot especially when we were at the Ronald McDonald House in Austin. I know we talked about it and it varied from beating up the little kid who teases Auggie to crying to talking with the kid's parents. I've even thought about making little flyers with facts about TCS to give to people if I'm too upset to talk about it. Lame, I know.. but it's an option.

When Tim told me about the little boy, all those responses were absent from my mind and all I could do was cry. I keep telling myself we'll get used to having comments about Auggie but I'm pretty sure I'll never get used to it. It won't get old when Auggie comes home from school upset about being different or being made fun of. It just won't.

I do know what will get old, though- me crying every time it happens. It's already old how much I cry and get upset now so I can't imagine being okay with it when Auggie's older. I want to know how to grow a new layer of skin so I can hide all these emotions I wear on my shoulders.

I want to be quick witted and smart and not give a damn what people say. I don't want to hesitate when TCS is brought up... I want to be able to clearly explain what it is and not let my emotions shoot to the surface. I want to be able to give that to Auggie when he's older so he won't care either.

How do you become like that? How can I grow that second layer? So that's what I'll be working on among tons of other things.. growing that second layer...

I'll leave you with some more pictures of Auggie....

Watching all the kids play at Mainly Music
April 13

Swinging while Daddy plays rugby
April 13

Big Ol' Belly
April 14



  1. Oh, Kelsey that breaks my heart to hear. I can't imagine how hard that is. I know I'm not a mom but I could only imagine if someone said something about Paxton. Which they probably will when his older and can see that he looks different from his mom and dad and that he is adopted. I know that is two different ends of the spectrum to compare but I guess what I'm trying to say is that kids are going to make fun and tease anybody that slightly looks different or is out of their "norm". Auggie, is a beautiful boy and he will have confidence in himself from all the love,support, and guidance you and Tim give him.

    BTW Can't wait to hang out with you guys and love on Auggie! :-)

  2. I have been following along with your blog Kelsey, and I just love all of the pictures and stories you share with us all. As Angela said above, it breaks my heart to hear this. I, myself, do not have much advice seeing as to how I am not a parent or familiar with TCS, but I do know one thing. You and Tim are doing a WONDERFUL job with Auggie. If he grows up to be anything like you or Tim, he is going to be a very strong individual.

    Hope to meet Auggie someday soon...take care :)

  3. You will grow. Not another layer of skin to hide your emotions, but you will grow to understand and accept a new perspective of this crazy ol' world, and your place in it. You wont have to 'act' strong, eventually you'll genuinely feel exactly like the parent you want to be. And then you'll find yourself giving advice to new mothers. :) Just keep digging deep, being open, and give yourself time.

  4. Aww Kelsey! I think the best thing you can do right now is exactly what you are doing, talking about it. Keeping everything in and hiding it is only going to make everything build up. You guys have so many friends and family that love all 3 of you so much that you can get strength from leaning on all of us. Like the others, I have no idea of how you guys feel, but know that Fredy and I are both here for either of you anytime you need an ear or a shoulder!

  5. I was looking at your blog to find out auggies birthday because I think he was born the same day or the day after Abby... and I stopped on this post. I can relate so well because Luke and I always talk about how we are gonna handle it... In may I had her in the car seat in the basket at walmart (I usually have it covered or facing me but this time I faced it out) and I was there with my son, husband and best friend... so we were talking and laughing when these two young teen girls walked by and one looked at abby and then did a double take and then leaned over to whisper in her friends ear and pointed.. then in my mind I think they laughed but I can't really remember, but it made me cry because I didn't have my guard up so i wasn't ready for it. Last week at the pool a boy came up to us and said when she grows up will her ears be like mine? I didn't have the heart to tell him no... he was being so sweet - saying she was adorable and telling me about his 6 month old sister. It really made me feel good....


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